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You wake up, feeling fine. Go to work. Just an ordinary day. Then, BAM! Something comes over you and you suddenly get quiet. You suddenly feel tired. Feel lonely. Feel uneasy. You can't put your finger on it. You don't know where or why it's happening, but it's happening, and there's nothing you can do about it. This is how depression sometimes hits.
You're not sad about anything in particular. Your brain just suddenly feels numb yet anxious all at once. You want to cry, sleep, scream, shop, eat, drink...anything. There's an urge to do SOMETHING, but you're not quite sure what.
I now know that feeling and what it is, like the back of my hand. When it comes, I know I have to ride it out. Sometimes, keeping busy or doing something that I usually find cathartic helps, but it's not a long-term remedy. Just a bit of a reprieve from the thoughts that start to circle in my head.
I try to muster a smile and not let anyone know that I'm having an episode, but my face has a funny habit of speaking louder-than-words. I've learned to try and stay in the present. Force myself to put up a brick wall in my mind and focus on what I'm looking at. Focus on what I'm doing at this very moment. Knock away the thoughts like I'm waving away a cloud of smoke and hope that brick wall stays up long enough for the other thoughts to finally go away.
Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, it doesn't. But eventually, the feeling and thoughts will go away and I'll be back to "normal". A new day will dawn and I'll just be grateful that I made it through another one of those days and hope for better days to come.
**If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, please don't hesitate to reach out to a professional for help. You can also reach out to a trained counselor at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).